Pain in the Silence
by Jameson Rook
Summary: "I guess we're just mismatched puzzle pieces that came as spare parts." "We don't have to be spare parts, you know."


_**Disclaimer: Castle and all of its characters belong to Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC Productions.**_

__"Hey, bro, you seen Beckett?" Esposito poked his head into the break room where his partner was making himself a cup of coffee. Esposito mentally scowled at the horrific vest that Ryan was wearing. The man was a crime against humanity himself.

"Uh, the last time I saw her, she was on her way down to the gym. Why?"

"Got something I think she should look at." He held up the folder in his hand for emphasis and ducked back out of the break room, walking quickly to the elevator. He bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited for the elevator to arrive, practically jumping into it when it arrived.

He had been on edge for almost a month. He felt like his muscles were stretched to thin, and his nerves felt as though they'd been shoved through a meat grinder. It was the caseload. It had to be. That was what he kept telling himself, anyway.

He was totally ignoring the electricity that shot through him every time that Beckett touched his elbow or brushed past him in the bullpen. He would ignore the arrow of heat that shot directly into his groin every time that she smiled or laughed at something that Castle had said to her.

The doors slid open on the basement floor and he stepped out into the precinct gym, the stale smell of sweat and the sound of growls and grunts coming from the interior of it. The steady _thump_ of fists hitting a punching bag echoed off of the cement walls at him. He took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing deeper into the gym.

It felt as though someone had uppercutted him in the sternum when he saw her because all of the air in his lungs disappear. His palms began to sweat nervously as he watched her. She was wearing NYPD issued training shorts, and a thin, black tank top, her white sports bra peeking out from beneath the straps to taunt him. Her hair was thrown up in a messy bun, the loose tandrils of hair teasing the nape of her neck, which was coated in a thin sheen of sweat.

He cleared his throat shyly, his eyes quickly training themselves on his shoes as she spun to face him. Javier Esposito was never this nervous around women. He was sauve and debonair. He was _not_ this nervous, shy wreck. Good lord, he was reminding himself of Ryan!

"Oh, Espo, it's just you." Her face broke out into a grin, her chest heaving from the workout. He mentally chastised himself for considering other workouts that would have her chest heaving and instead chose to hand her the file.

"Got those financials that you wanted me to run. Seems like our vic was pulling out quite a bit of money before he died. Four withdrawals of $4,000 or more within a week of his murder. We can't pass that off as coincidence."

"No, we can't. This is a good find, Javi. We'll have uniforms case his house to see if they can find reciepts or anything to go along with these withdrawals." She nodded, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. Esposito's hand twitched in his pocket, aching to reach out and thread his fingers through that hair. She looked at him curiously, causing him to realize that he was probably staring. "Something else I can help you with, Javier?"

"What's going on with you and Castle?" He blurted out before his brain could register what he was saying.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, I just mean...you guys seem different lately. Ever since the bombing case, there's been something weird about the two of you." He pulled a halfhearted shrug, attempting to play it off as a nonchalant question.

"I don't know. He's been different. Withdrawn. Almost like he's angry about something, but I can't figure it out." She sighed, sitting on the bench closest to them and running her fingers through her hair. She took a long drink off her water bottle before gesturing for him to sit next to her. He obliged, and felt his heart soar when she didn't even flinch as their legs touched when he sat down.

"I'm sorry, Beckett. I know he means a lot to you."

"You know, I could ask the same question about you and Lanie." She retorted easily, running her fingers over his close cropped hair in the form of a noogie.

"I don't know. I guess we were just too different for things to work out. Our personalities were completely opposite from each other. Apparently everyone was right when they said "Opposites Attract", but they said nothing about opposites staying together." He replied, playfully shrugging away from the noogie.

"So, I guess we're just two mismatched puzzle pieces that came as spare parts." She chuckled, twidling her thumbs and staring at the floor. She wasn't completely shocked when she felt his fingers slipping over her back, but she couldn't explain the shiver that rushed through her at his touch.

"We don't have to be spare parts, you know?" He whispered, his voice a spine tingling low timbre. Kate turned to face him slowly, gasping softly as she looked into his darkened eyes. "They hurt us, Kate. They both did. Why don't we allow ourselves to feel good for once?"

"Javi, I...I love him still. I don't want you to get the wrong idea." She replied, but her eyes had trained themselves on his lips, heat curling in her stomach.

"I know you do, Kate. I'm not saying that this has to be a permanent thing, but I can't stop thinking about it." He leaned in and placed a soft kiss to the side of her neck, before moving higher, his teeth grazing her ear lightly. "If you tell me to stop, I will, but God, I want you, Kate. I have for a long time now." He growled.

"I..." She sighed, her hand going to her shoulders and her fingers digging into the soft flesh. "Don't stop, Javier. _Please_ don't stop." She pulled him into a bruising kiss, her tongue sliding across his heatedly.

Javier stood slowly, lifting her from the bench and wrapping her legs around his waist. He walked slowly, never breaking the kiss, until they reached the locker room. He pressed the door open with her back and moved into the closest shower stall. He set her down long enough to pull the curtain closed behind them, and when he turned back to her, her hands were gripping his shoulders and slamming him into the tile wall.

The air whoosed from his lungs but he didn't care because Kate was kissing him, and her shirt had somehow made its way to the floor. His hand palmed over her breast through her sports bra, drawing a groan from both of them. He pulled back to tear the offending fabric over her head and toss his shirt as well. When he returned to her, the heat of their flesh meeting was almost enough to drive him over the edge.

She slid her hand over the muscled planes of his stomach until she was tugging his pants and boxers over his hips until they dropped to his ankles. Her hand closed around his length, pumping him slowly until she had him writhing and gasping for more.

"St-stop, Kate. If you keep that up, this won't last." He ground out, reaching down and lifting her off of the ground to pull her shorts off. He gave her a deeply passionate kiss as he slid into her, her wetness surrounding him. The dreams that he'd had for so long were _nothing_ compared to having Kate Beckett surrounding his length.

"Oh, God, Javi..." She gasped, her nails digging into his back as she began thrusting against him. He moved his hips erratically to meet hers, their bodies pounding together. He bite the crook of her neck roughly, sweeping his tongue over the forming bruise apologetically, but a piece of him was incredibly proud that he had marked her. That Castle would know that she was his before she would be his.

It wasn't long before they were both teetering on the edge. She leaned in to whisper in his ear quietly.

"I can't hold out much longer, Javi." Javier leaned into her and kissed her softly.

"Let go, Kate. Come for me." She couldn't do anything but comply with his request, her muscles convulsing around him and her teeth sinking into his shoulder as well to muffle her screams. Javier tumbled over the edge after her, his heat filling her fully. They stayed connecting for a moment, their breathing the only sound filling the room.

When Kate finally pulled away, she kissed him softly before collecting all of her clothes and dressing quickly. She left him standing their, naked and stunned to watch her walk away. He waited until he heard the door shut behind her before slamming his fist against the tiles and allowing the tears to flow down his face.

"I lied, Kate." He whispered into the empty air. "I wanted this to be a permanent thing. I want you. All of you. Forever." He sighed and gathered his clothes, dressing quickly and heading back into the bullpen. He prepared himself to act like nothing had ever happened. It's what cops did. They bottled up everything. They stayed silent for fear of hurting the ones they loved, and for fear of showing emotion. So that was what Javier would do. He wouldn't say a damned thing.


End file.
